Lifestyle, food and drink, and our family life and travel adventures.
This year, I turn the big 4-0, which seems a little crazy as I can remember my own Mum turning 40. I feel like turning 40 is reaching middle age and that feels old to me, but it’s OK! I (hopefully) have so much left of life to live yet.
It’s funny because 40 was always my scary age – it sounds so old when you’re young, and always felt like you were definitely a proper grown-up at that age. Now, I’m not sure I’ll ever feel like a proper grown-up!
But I’m no longer scared of turning 40; I’m actually quite excited by the prospect, as well as lots of celebrations over the next year – my husband and the vast majority of my friends all turn 40 this year, too (and we went to two of our friend’s 40th birthday party at the end of last year) so it will probably be a bit of a whirlwind year with lots of celebrating and travelling to be done, and I can’t wait.
I’m also just really grateful that I get to reach this age – the alternative to turning 40 is not one I want! So I’m happy to be here and looking forward to finally being a proper adult š
There are loads of things I want to do this year and beyond, so this is probably more of a life bucket list or my life goals list than a list of things I want to do before I turn 40 because there’s no way I will be able to do them all in the next six months!
Almost 11 years ago, I wrote a ‘35 before 35‘ list, so I’ll also be seeing what I didn’t do from that and seeing if there are things I still want to do or achieve from there!
I know this is such a generic one to include, but just spending time with my family makes me the happiest, as they are the most important things in my life, and I am lucky enough to have a really loving family, both on my side and my husbands and I really cherish that.Ā
I love just doing simple things like a long walk in a country park together with my little family and our dog. This also extends to our wider family, too – I absolutely adore spending time with my niece and nephews so I want to see them regularly too and do fun things together.
I also want to make more of an effort to see my friends this year. Life is so busy for all of us, especially when most of us have children now, so we don’t have much time to spare, and I’ve hardly seen any of my friends over the past year or more, so I want to change that this year. Most of my friends are from school, and I feel really lucky to still have my old friends (old in both senses of the word!), so I want to nurture those great relationships more.
I can’t really be bothered with proper nights out very often any more (oh, I am old!), but I love just chilling with a bottle of wine at one of our houses and chatting. I always have a great time when we get together, so I need to prioritise that this year and not use lack of time as an excuse not to arrange something. My social life has taken a massive dip since Covid and I want to sort that this year.
My husband and I are going to Prague in February for his birthday, which we’re very excited about. We’ve never been, and it’s also the first time in a very long time we’ve gone away together without our daughter (maybe the first time in forever?), so it will be lovely to get away together for a few nights.
We’re also hoping to go away as a family near my birthday in July. Ideally, we’d love to do a road trip for a couple of weeks around Spain, which we did before (along with Portugal) for our honeymoon back in 2015.
However, the ferry to get there goes through the Bay of Biscay, which is notoriously bad for seasickness, and we just can’t face doing that again. We’ve done it twice now, and both times, we said we’d never do it again – it’s really that bad. Last time, with Ava, it was just horrendous – she was so sick, and we felt terrible the whole time. If it was just for a few hours, it could perhaps be bearable, but it’s overnight, and I can vividly remember lying in the top bunk trying to get a bit of sleep, feeling incredibly sick, whilst we were rocked about (not gently!), and things clattered and banged around us, and I lay there hoping A wouldn’t need to be sick again and she’d manage to fall asleep. Awful.
Saying all of that, we probably won’t be able to do a road trip this year, but I would like to when we can and perhaps have enough time to drive further so we don’t have to get the ferry. I also would still love to do a road trip through America as a family one day.
Instead of a road trip, we will probably fly to Spain if we can and potentially get the train to a couple of different places, but we still need to work it all out as flights have gone up so much. We had such a wonderful time in Spain and Portugal for our honeymoon with our daughter (who was 3 at the time!), where we enjoyed lots of good wine, great food, incredible sunny weather and the beautiful country.
I wouldn’t say I’m too horrendous on social media, but I do still spend too long scrolling through Instagram and feel like I’m missing out on stuff if I don’t. I know I feel a lot better when I’m not on it as much, and particularly away from my phone entirely for long periods.
It always feels so good to have been busy doing something and realise I haven’t picked up my phone for hours. It’s rare it happens that way though, so I want it to happen much more. Nothing bad will happen if I don’t pick up my phone as much! In fact, it is likely to be so good for me and my head, and I would love to go the whole day without picking up my phone occasionally!
Getting older and reaching a milestone birthday can make you want to grab life and try new things or learn a new skill, and I would really like to do a couple of the things I have always wanted to do or try. Specifically, I have always wanted to go to a pottery class and use a pottery wheel a la ‘Ghost’ – whether Patrick Swayze wants to wrap his ghostly arms around me whilst I’m doing it that is up to him.
I have also always wanted to dance, particularly salsa, but it’d be great to do some different kinds, too. It’s something that makes me quite sad and also annoyed with myself that I’ve never properly taken it up because I’ve always wanted to but never carried anything on or had the confidence to go to classes alone. I’m hoping I can finally change that this year. Just watching Strictly Come Dancing makes me sad because I want to do it so much! It’s ridiculous! So, my 40th year is the right time to change this!
These two things, in particular, would also be a great way to meet new people – which I don’t actually want to do, but I could really do with it! I’ve been so isolated with working from home, particularly over the last couple of years, and I feel like I’ve lost even more confidence and my ability to communicate!
I also want to go horse riding more when we can afford it. My daughter and I love horses and horse riding so much, and we went a couple of times last year (her first time) Ā and we had such a good time, so I’d love for us to do it more together.
I have always, always wanted to learn a new language, particularly Spanish and I am determined to start learning it properly. I’ve started learning bits before using apps or an audiobook, but I never carry on and make the time to keep going with it.
I absolutely love Spain, and we’d love to live there – I think we would give it serious consideration if we could get jobs there, and I think it’s a beautiful language, so I would really love to be able to speak it fluently, or even just enough to get by when we’re there. It would be so nice to be able to speak something other than my mother tongue!
This is one that is most definitely not going to happen before I turn 40 unless I win the lottery, but I really would love to go to New York again, especially with Ava, next time we go, if possible. When my husband and I went travelling around the world when we were 22 (17 years ago!), we spent a few brilliant days in New York – it was one of those places that was as good as we imagined, and I have wanted to go back ever since.
I would also love one day to go to New York at Christmastime. When we went, it was October, so the ice rink at the Rockafeller Center was there, and we did that, and it was loads of fun, but I would love to be there in December, or I think it would be a fun way to spend all of Christmas and be there for New Year’s Eve, too.
I buy way too much stuff, and we have way too much stuff in our house that I am constantly clearing out, and I’ve had enough of it. This year, and especially over the next few months, I want to really get on top of the clutter, make some money selling stuff on Vinted, and stop buying so much (especially clothes! I’m far too addicted to ‘browsing’ ASOS. I say ‘browsing’ because I do more than that!) and particularly stop thinking that these new clothes will suddenly make me feel better about myself and how I look.
I want to spend our money on travel and experiences together and hopefully moving house soon, rather than buying more ‘stuff’ we don’t need.
This was on my list back in 2013, and we still haven’t managed to move house yet. We never wanted to stay in this area for long, but money doesn’t grow on trees and we haven’t won the lottery yet, so it unfortunately hasn’t happened. This year will hopefully, finally be the one we are able to move to the village that we want to where most of our close family lives.
We had such a brilliant time at Big Feastival when we went a few years ago, and I would love to go to another music festival as a family and, ideally, with some friends, too. We went to Big Feastival with our little girl and friends when we went and had such an amazing time camping, eating, drinking and having loads of fun. The same friends invited us to one last year, but we were away in Cornwall at the time.
My mental health has actually been a lot better over the last year or so, and I’m really grateful for that, but I don’t think I’ve really done anything differently; I think life has just been a bit easier for me, perhaps, but I’m still always too up in my head constantly and overthink everything.
I’d like to keep maintaining good mental health whilst also working on my confidence and improving my headspace by focusing on mindfulness and taking some personal time out for myself regularly.Ā
Again, this is more of a bucket list one, but I would really love to see the Northern Lights one day. I know we are seeing them more and more in this country, which would be great to see, but I’d still love to go to Iceland or Lapland and have a wonderful family holiday in the snow.
I have never been able to save money, and I have absolutely no savings, which scares me quite a lot, especially as everyone else seems to have some! I started using the Plum app last year, and it’s the first time I’ve ever been able to save a bit – I think because it’s all automatic and also separate from my bank account, it’s worked for me.
However, I’m still really easily able to transfer those savings back into my bank account, which is what I’ve had to do a few times so that I have enough money in my account to be able to pay for stuff! Which leads me on to my next thing.
So I guess what I really need is to earn more money consistently! Before Christmas, I’d had a really good couple of months blogging, which is strange in itself as December is usually pretty quiet and rubbish. But these were actually my best earning months EVER since I started this blog in 2012! I think I just kind of got lucky, though, and so I don’t think it will be consistent over the next few months unless I work really hard.
I did some freelance writing for a few months last year, which was great and helped me earn a more consistent income for a short while, but it also meant my blog fell by the wayside a little. I am the only one who can improve my blog and work to increase my earnings, so I really want to focus on that this year. Freelance is great, and I do want to find something else to do on the side, but there is a limit to how much I can earn from that, and there isn’t really with blogging.
I had this on my 35 before 35 list, and I still haven’t achieved it! It definitely isn’t in any way manageable before my 40th birthday, as I am most definitely not pregnant now (read here if you want to know why it’s impossible for me to get pregnant naturally), but I would really, really, REALLY love to try and have a baby using our frozen embryos after my 40th birthday.
On my 35 before 35 update post, I wrote ‘I will hopefully have another baby. I would be incredibly sad if I hadnāt managed that by the time Iām 35.’ Now it’s over 8 years later, and I still haven’t managed it, sadly! The thought of going through it all again after all this time and being much older is scary, but I’m not done having babies, and I would so love for Ava to have a sibling.
I really, really want to get as fit as possible over the next six months and beyond. I’m desperate to feel better about myself by my birthday and have more confidence. A few years ago, I worked out consistently for the first time ever, and I was fitter than I’d ever been and felt so much better. But then, after my ovarian surgery and consequent menopause at age 35, I’ve struggled more with my weight and energy levels, and the weight has crept on.
I want to get fit both for my health as well as how I look, as I’m just not comfortable as I am now, and I know how much better I felt when I was fitter and stronger. I really want to get in the best shape of my life so that I can hopefully live a long life and be as healthy and well as possible as I age.
I’ve started exercising properly again, and I’m back to doing some Fitness Blender workouts (which is what I did before), as well as going on the exercise bike, running/walking on my treadmill and using my mini trampoline regularly. I still think Fitness Blender’s workouts are brilliant, and doing their strength workouts, in particular, makes such a difference.
In my 35 before 35 post, I wrote that I wanted to do this, and it’s still not something I’ve done. I’ve ridden horses and would like to do that more this year, but I have always just loved the thought of riding a horse bareback across a beach, so hopefully, I will get to do it someday!
Last year, when we were in Whitby, I saw someone riding a horse along the beach there, which I’ve never seen before in this country, and it was just so lovely to see.
Again, on my previous bucket list, and I did start to learn online years ago, got a decent keyboard and then didn’t continue with it. I think it would help a lot if I had somewhere I could keep my keyboard and stand up all of the time so that it wasn’t a faff, but there’s no room for that in this house. One day, hopefully!
My husband and I were both lucky enough to go to DisneyWorld in Florida a few times as teenagers and once when we were early twenties, but we haven’t been since, and I am desperate to go again and take our daughter too. We’d ideally go with my husband’s family, and we’ve talked about it before, but haven’t been in the position to do it yet, and I’d really like to whilst the kids are young-ish, although we still loved it when we were older too.
I’ve gone on before about wanting to sit at a desk to work instead of at my kitchen table or in bed. I do have a desk now, but I still rarely use it; I think I just like sitting at the kitchen table – it’s near the tea and food, and I’m comfortable here (it’s where I’m sitting now), so what’s the point in keeping trying to change things?
However, I would still like to have a much better work-life balance. Working from home means that I’ll so often get caught up doing house stuff when I really need to be working or needing to do some work in the evenings or at weekends.
I don’t mind doing that occasionally, and I do still have to put a wash on or wash the pots in between working, but I can easily do that whilst making a cup of tea. I want to do better at ignoring the majority of the house stuff on weekdays during the day and just focusing on my work.
I feel like over the six months or so, I haven’t really spent enough actual hours working, so I get my paid work done but don’t spend enough time writing non-paid blog posts or on admin-type tasks such as replying to emails, looking for work, updating old posts and promoting my blog. So that’s a goal this year.
Obviously, this is something that we can’t always control, but I would like to take more control of my health this year as much as possible: eat more healthily consistently, work out more again and get fitter, get better sleep, and have more downtime with technology.
I do have to have more major surgery, unfortunately – I have a hernia sticking out my belly that needs fixing, but it’s best to wait until I’ve finished having children to have that done, so hopefully, that won’t be happening this year!
I have always compared myself to others, and it affects me quite a lot. I find it incredibly hard not to continuously judge myself against other people, and women in particular, especially on how I look compared to them and always in a negative way towards myself.
I really hate that I’m like this, and I think the only way I can probably fix this issue is by getting therapy, which I would like to go to at some point (for all my issues, not just this one!!).
I’ve always wanted to go and never been, and I’m still desperate to go. I will definitely make it happen one day, but it’s incredibly unlikely to be this year.
This is a bit of a pipe dream at the moment, and I am not sure we are likely to ever have the amount of money needed to do this, but I would love to one day fly first class and indulge in the luxury of flying to a far-off destination with champagne and a bed to lie down in once I fancy a nap!
I have so much more energy at night, and I can easily stay up late without feeling too tired or falling asleep. I also hate mornings and really, REALLY struggle to wake up, no matter how much sleep I’ve had.
However, staying up late and having a lay-in is not conducive to family life, so I still have to get up early during the week, which means that I feel bloody awful all the time. I really want to make sure I have an early night most of the time, and even at the weekend, not go to bed stupidly late.
I have started having some earlier nights without alcohol (only this week so far!), and I’m pleased I’ve managed it; however, I struggle to stay asleep when I go earlier and haven’t had any wine, so I’ve had a few pretty awful nights (and, ergo, days) so far. But we move.
I’ve been trying to get into this habit for so long, and I still haven’t mastered it. It’s ridiculous because I totally love reading and books, but I’m either too tired to feel like reading, or I can’t put down my bloody phone. Which obviously doesn’t help my sleep either.
I’m determined to finish on my phone at least 15 minutes before I go to sleep and read at least a few pages.
‘Stay in a tiny village in Ireland’ was on my 35 before 35 list, and I still haven’t been to Ireland at all, and I’d love to. I flipping love an Irish accent.
I love having picnics in a park in the summer, just with our little family and dog, or with family or friends. They don’t have to be complicated – a few bits of food thrown into a bag, a blanket, and a ball to kick about are enough, and we always really enjoy it when we make the effort in the warmer months. They don’t cost us much, and we get fresh air and quality time to chat and relax together, so I want to have more this year (once it’s not freezing!).
We really enjoy playing games as a family, and we play them quite often at weekends, particularly when we’re in the garden in summer. But I’d like to turn off the TV more in the evenings and play games instead.
I feel like so often life can feel like a practice run, like ‘next time I’ll do that’, and of course, it isn’t (as far as we know!), so I really want to try to live in the moment more and not keep putting things off that I want to do.
It also means not saving things for best or a special time that may never happen, so I want to burn that posh candle, wear the nice clothes and use the nice skincare and make-up now!
I’ve never had an oyster, and I still really want to! A pretty simple one to complete, so I need to try them before I’m 40!
I spent the first few months of last year doing something different for charity each month, including 5k steps every day for a month, 50 squats every day for a month and 50 skips, as well as Race for Life for Cancer Research UK, which I do every year (and Ava does it with me now). This year, we’re doing ‘Pretty Muddy’ instead, which is a muddy 5k through an obstacle course!
This year, I’d like to do even more for charity and work harder at raising money for them. I felt bad asking people if they would sponsor me when I seemed to constantly be doing something but I would really like to be able to raise lots for the various charities I support.
Along the same lines as this is volunteering. I would really like to volunteer for a local animal charity this year if I’m able to. I’m always busy, but I should still be able to spare a couple of hours a week to do my bit.
Ha! There’s nothing more morbid than writing that on a bucket list! But stupidly, it’s not something I’ve ever got around to doing and I need to make sure that this year that changes.
We were hoping to adopt a cat that we had fallen in love with at Kitty Cafe, but they chose someone else, and so now we are looking for another cat to adopt and give a loving home to. I’ve had cats all my life, but I’ve never had a kitten before, as we’ve always taken in older strays or family member’s cats.
When we adopted our two cats (only one is still with us, and she’s 15 now!), they were slightly older, at around 7 months, as we knew that young kittens always find homes more easily, so we wanted to give two older ones a home, and I’ve always said that’s what I’d do.
However, I would love to have a kitten from a young age, just once and get to experience that. As well as that, and more importantly, we have other pets, so we feel that a young kitten will be more likely to settle in well with our dog, cat and rabbit.
Plus, we want this cat to be able to come out with us in the car and go to people’s (mainly my Mum’s) houses so that they are used to it and can go there when we go away. We couldn’t really do that with an older cat (although I want to give them all a home – especially the ones no one seems to want š )
I have always wanted to swim with dolphins, but even though I would love to still do that, I don’t think it’s really fair on them anymore. But I would love to witness them swimming and diving in their natural habitat – I think that would be amazing to see. I’ve seen dolphins before but never in the wild.
I really, really want to learn sign language, and I wish it were something that was taught in schools (since writing this post, I’ve read that is probably going to be an option to study at GCSE, which is absolutely brilliant!). It’s such a great skill to have and would be great for people who use it to be able to engage with more people in their daily lives.
Ever since I wrote about Aruba for their tourist board a few years ago, I have wanted to go so much. There are loads of exotic places I would love to visit during my lifetime, but Aruba really stands out now. It just looks so incredible, and the people and culture seem so great.
I’ve never done a proper zip line, and I really would like to do a big one. I’m sure I’d be terrified once I got up there, but I think it would be loads of fun! And I do want to keep pushing myself to do some scary stuff as I get older!
Finally, I am looking forward to celebrating my 40th birthday this year! I would kind of like a party with all of my family and friends, but I think planning it and worrying that no one will come will just stress me out, so I don’t think I’ll bother!
We are hopefully going travelling a bit more this year, including Prague, for my husband’s birthday in March, so I’m excited about that. Then we’re also hoping to go to Spain in the summer for a family holiday, and I’m also really hoping we can go back to the place in Cornwall we’ve been to for the last two summers. We’ve camped there, in a tent, for a week both times but the owners (and now our friends) are hoping to set up a glamping tent for this year’s season, so as it’s my 40th we will possibly book that if possible!
I love the idea of lots of our family joining us to camp and celebrating my 40th in a field overlooking the sea (hopefully in the sunshine!), surrounded by loved ones, with barbeque’s every night and toasting marshmallows on a bonfire!
That would be perfect, but I don’t think we’re likely to have that many people be able to join us or want to stay in a tent! I’m hoping a few might, though. We will see! However I spend it, I’m sure I’ll have fun!
Skydive – I would still love to, really, but I don’t want to take the risk as a mother!
Learn to sew – no thanks, can’t be arsed. I have better things to do with my time!
I hope you enjoyed this mammoth post, and let me know in the comments what’s on your bucket list!
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
Contact: [email protected]
