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By Emma Hutchison, HorseBack UK
Working well with a horse is not a matter of going through a checklist and then patting yourself on the back. It is a daily dedication, like doing arpeggios on a piano. Horses love steadiness and consistency, so they really value the stuff you do every single day. Small shifts in perspective, done over and over again, can have huge results. And as it is with horses, it is with people. Here are 5 lessons horses can teach us that you can practice at home – without a real horse in sight.
1. Work with the person you are that day
One of the greatest principles in good horsemanship is working with the horse you have that day. Just because your dazzling steed could do perfect transitions last week, it does not mean that applies this week. Horses have moods and emotions and needs just as humans do. So, at HorseBack, we always ask our horses, ‘What do you need from us today?’
You can do the same with your own dear self. Your anxiety, or your low mood, or your difficulty in connecting with others might have improved, and you are getting that lovely sense of the light at the end of the tunnel, and then the very next day, you feel that all that progress has disappeared and you are back in the black pit.
It’s easy then to feel like you want to give up, just as one might want to give up when a horse regresses.
But if you say, ‘Well, I’m working with the person I am today,’ then you can take a gentler, more hopeful approach.
Use small steps to move forward again. Remind yourself that you don’t have to tell yourself the end-of-everything story. It is still worth making the effort, building helpful mental habits, doing your daily practices. You would do that for your horse, so you can do it for yourself.
2. Be Honest
Horses adore honesty. And so does your brain. Denying feelings of anxiety, shame, grief and despair only makes them worse. They twist themselves up inside and paralyse you.
So, a lovely thing to do with yourself is to step into difficult emotions. Honestly say, yes, I do feel vulnerable, or overwhelmed, or hopeless. Sit with those feelings instead of fighting them. Then, see what you can do with them. You can write them down. You can share them with a trusted friend. You can take them to a mental health professional.
The more these feelings are felt and released, the less power they have over you. Know them, name them, face them … and then let them go. The more you practice this, the better you get at it.
3. Move
When horses get stuck in the sympathetic nervous system, which is the fight, flight and freeze part of the brain, sometimes the best thing you can do for them is invite them to move. Liberty work is great for this: you can offer your horse a chance to dance all those jangled emotions out on the ground until they come back to a place of stillness and peace.
It’s not so different with humans. We can think our way out of some emotions, but some get stuck in the body, and the rational part of the brain can only do so much. So, if you feel trapped in negative thought loops, particularly those of resentment, or shame, or rage, try dancing them out. Shake them out of your arms. Stomp them out of your feet.
You are literally resetting your body when you do this. The nervous system can then move from its threat state to its rest and relax state.
Move it out, dance it out, breathe it out. You may even want to holler it out.
This is another practice that pays huge dividends if you do it regularly. Getting stuck is a horrible feeling, so let your body help you to find freedom again.
4. Be Present
There is a whole boatload of research and data showing the extraordinary power that meditation can have on mental health, and at HorseBack UK we often start courses with a meditation for horses and veterans. Meditation is hard and doing it well may be a life’s work. But you can start very simply by practising being present, in the moment. Horses do this naturally, so they model it for us, and they adore it in their humans.
You don’t need a special room or a special time or special equipment. At moments throughout the day, catch your racing monkey mind, and bring it gently back to the present. Feel all your senses: the air on your face, the smell of the green grass, the sound of your own breathing. All that matters in the world is in that moment.
5. Manage expectations
False or unrealistic expectations are one of the enemies of good mental health. If you are constantly lashing yourself for failing to meet goals, for not being the person you expect yourself to be, for not being able to change your life through a sheer act of will, you will live with constant disappointment. The not-good-enough voices will have a field day.
We’ve learned from our horses to monitor our expectations. We don’t march in expecting the horses to be brilliant just because we want them to be. We understand that everyone has an off day. So, we ask enough, but never too much, and if there’s a bit of a bog or a muddle, we just take a breath and start again.
You can do the same with yourself. Give yourself small, achievable missions. Understand that mistakes and setbacks will come. Be forgiving. Expectation management doesn’t sound glamorous or life-changing, but it’s one of the most potent tools we know in keeping the mind in equilibrium.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Emma Hutchison is co-founder of HorseBack UK, a multi-award-winning Scottish charity (registration number SC040765) based near Aboyne, in the Scottish Highlands. HorseBack UK works to improve health and well-being by inspiring recovery, positive change and renewed purpose amongst those who need it most and improving education and employment prospects for those who are disadvantaged or marginalised.
Using horsemanship, equine-assisted learning, rural skills and the outdoors the charity delivers award-winning projects and personal development programmes that encourage participants to acquire new coping strategies, life skills and lasting resilience whilst gaining nationally recognised awards and qualifications.
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
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