My Ovarian Surgery

I think the last time I talked properly about what was going on with me, health-wise, that I was waiting to have a CT scan after having an MRI scan and my oncologists not really liking what they saw.

Since then it has been decided that the risk is too high now and that it is best that I have my remaining ovary and tube removed. The overall size of my ovary with the multiple cysts on it is too big now, my CA125 level (a tumour marker) has kept on increasing, and there is no way to know whether it is ‘just’ a borderline tumour, which is what I had before, or whether it is actually ovarian cancer. There are signs there that it could be.

They can’t just go in to have a look or even remove just the cysts, because if any of them got damaged and anything leaked out then I could have cancer cells spread throughout my body and then obviously that would be much more dangerous and I would have to have chemotherapy.

Freezing my ovary

We decided that I would have an appointment with my wonderful fertility guy again, who has operated on me a couple of times before and who we did our IVF with, both times. I really like and trust him and I know that he knows what he’s doing. We wanted to speak to him to see if I could potentially have part of my ovary frozen  (if there was any healthy bit remaining) so that it could be reimplanted into me at a later date so that I could try to get pregnant.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t think it is right for me and I (reluctantly) agreed. They are not at the stage where they can stimulate an ovary outside of the body to produce eggs yet (but they will be one day, which is incredible). Putting back some defrosted ovary into me could be dangerous in case there are any cancer cells still in there.

He also agreed with my two oncologists that the best thing to do is to remove my remaining ovary and tube and he even said that he would say the same thing to his wife or sister too, which really helped to be honest. Even though I really trust the two oncologists I see, it is always nice to get a second opinion and especially when it is another surgeon I trust.

My surgery

So I am going ahead with a left unilateral-salpingo-oopherectomy (I just like saying that!) which is the removal of my left ovary and tube. Whilst they are in there they are taking a sample of my lymph nodes as well as whipping out my appendix too, because why not?! There is a chance that he will have to take my womb as well if it is also a mess but the plan is to keep it if at all possible so I can still carry a baby in the future. I’m expecting to have an entirely flat belly after this with the removal of all these body parts and if I don’t then I want my money back.

I find it funny that in my last post I was complaining about having to inject myself with bloody sting-ey blood thinners for a few days, because after having this rather big surgery I will probably have to inject the bastards for a few weeks. I was also complaining about having to have too many cannulas inserted too. Now those things are the least of my worries.

I will be having a pretty large cut right up the middle of my belly, which is grand. The reason for doing a midline cut is for a couple of reasons. They need to be able to open me up enough to get my ovary out as carefully as possible so no bad stuff can leak out of it and spread around my body, and also they need to sample some lymph nodes from higher up, so a big cut it is.

I’m not going to lie, I really wish I could just have a horizontal cut low down like the last time I had an ovary removed (at least there won’t be a third time hey!!). That way it’s hidden under my underwear. But, it is what it is and I need to have this done to be here for Ava.

How I’m feeling about it all

I have my date for the operation now and it’s a few weeks away. I’m really scared. I’m scared that I won’t wake up, I’m scared that it will be worse once they look inside (that’s what happened last time!) and I will be riddled with cancer. I’m scared about being sliced open and all of the pain and recovery afterwards.

I hate the thought that I won’t be able to do loads for myself for a while and do no housework and won’t be able to drive for ages. It sounds stupid that I hate that I won’t be able to do housework, but I hate leaving it all up to someone else and having things frustrating me but not be able to do it myself!

I’ve had a few operations over the last twelve or so years, and I’m always really scared that I won’t wake up. But this time I am a mother and it feels so much more terrifying. Chances are I will wake up and everything will be fine, but knowing that I am going into this as a parent makes it so much worse. I am one of her most favourite people in the world and she needs me. Her life would be changed forever if I was no longer here and so I’m finding the whole thing so much harder to take. It’s not just about me this time.

I know I just need to hold on to the fact that I doing this for a very good reason and so that I am here for her and hopefully will be for a very long time.

After I have this operation I will be entering the menopause as I will no longer have any ovaries, which I have now started to accept, and I will be going straight onto HRT. I have a post coming up about that soon.

For now, I am just planning on enjoying the couple of weeks I will have with Ava once she breaks up on Wednesday, fitting in as much fun stuff as we possibly can, whilst also milking my birthday celebrations over the next week or so. I think I deserve having a ‘birthday week’ or more, don’t I?