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Since the lockdown that started early last year, I have lost a lot of my confidence and I know I am not the only one. I know lots of others have struggled with going back out into society, both being around people again as well as confidence in ourselves, our bodies and what we wear.
I spent most of the lockdown last year in really comfortable summer dresses, make-up free and with my hair in a messy bun. I got really used to being at home pretty much constantly except for the odd walk or supermarket trip and we spent most of those beautiful sunny afternoons outside in the garden, playing games and drinking beer or gin and tonics (not Ava!). Like a lot of people, I put on a little bit of weight over lockdown; I moved less and relaxed more and I actually enjoyed being a hermit.
I missed my family and friends massively of course, but the lack of pressure to go out and socialise felt good to me.
Over the last few months, everything has obviously started to open up again, socialising is in the diary once more, and we’re back to school runs and regular trips to the shops.
It’s great, of course, but I know many people have found it hard getting back out there, hard to feel confident and being around other people again, including me.
I can’t wear my comfiest dresses, leggings and baggy t-shirts constantly when I’m out (well I can but I don’t want to) – I want to dress more nicely sometimes and make more of an effort and I want to do my hair and makeup properly again.
But the confidence I have lost over the year and a half (and I didn’t have a lot of it, to begin with) has really affected me and so having to go out again stresses me out and makes me feel quite anxious. My favourite clothes don’t fit me and I just end up feeling a bit rubbish when I have to find something to wear when I’m off out.
Joe Browns have found out how many people have had confidence issues since lockdown and so they are doing a ‘Power of Dressing’ campaign to help us feel more confident and empowered in our day to day lives and to get our #mojoe back (geddit?? Joe Browns – moJOE!).
They carried out a survey of over 12,500 people to find out how people are feeling about their wardrobe confidence post lockdown, and they found that 46% of people avoid wearing what they would like due to a lack of body confidence.
I’m sick of feeling so self-conscious – it really affects your life – and so I’m doing what I can to slowly try and improve it and there are particular things I do when I am feeling totally rubbish about myself.
I know it’s not always possible to buy some new clothes but I find that if I am able to find a couple of things that I feel great (or at least good!) in then that really makes a difference to how I feel if my favourite clothes don’t currently fit.
Over the summer I bought one particular dress that fit me really well and I wore lots and I just felt so much more like myself in it. It showed off my best bits and skimmed over the bits that I don’t love so much, but it wasn’t a big baggy t-shirt dress like most of mine are; it was pretty and flowery and not black like a lot of my clothes! So it felt like I was making a bit more of an effort when I was doing something with friends or family and I felt quite nice.
I really love dungarees and I am nowhere near fitting into my favourite pair that I got years ago, so I’ve just bought a few new pairs to try and found one pair that fit me well and I really love. It stops that longing I have for my old favourites which makes me feel more crappy about myself and have less confidence and I can break that vicious cycle.
It’s not really about needing to exercise or lose weight in order to feel more confident, but about feeling more physically strong and able. When I exercise consistently I feel SO much better about myself and so much stronger.
I do however want to lose a bit of weight and get more toned again as I feel so much better at a slightly smaller size. It’s not about being skinny, but just having more muscle and less fat on my body – I remember how much more confident I felt a few years ago when I’d been exercising consistently for quite a while and I love feeling more toned and shapely. And of course, I feel much healthier and well then too which is so important.
The way my clothes fit makes such a difference to me and so if I could afford a whole new wardrobe that fit me perfectly now then I would. Alas, I can’t do that, so I am just not going to try anything that I know doesn’t really fit me at the moment until I know I am a bit smaller because I find that SO demotivating and it sends my confidence levels soaring.
Exercise also gives me some time to myself, to put my headphones in and run, or go into another room and do a Fitness Blender workout alone. It also boosts my mood, which in turn, helps to boost my confidence.
So I really want to get back into exercising at least 5 times a week again, even if some days it’s just dog walks and walking on the treadmill.
This is one of Jo Emerson’s tips on how to be more confident and it is one I am really trying to do because I know how good it makes me feel.
Instead of browsing Instagram and regularly feeling rubbish about myself by inadvertently comparing myself to others, getting outside has the opposite effect.
A couple of hours spent out in nature with my family always makes me feel better and reminds me that how we look doesn’t matter – it’s experiences and people that count in life. I want to look good so that I feel good, but that isn’t the most important thing, and being outside stops me worrying about how I look and lets me relax.
As Jo says “We were not made to sit down looking at screens in artificial light all day. Get outside, walk, breathe deeply, watch nature as it goes about its business. There’s a beautiful sense of ‘okay-ness’ in nature and when we see that we feel calmer and more confident!”.
I have been making more effort to get outside for even a little bit every day – having a dog has helped with that – and it really puts me in a more positive mood – plus I’m moving my body more! It can be hard making myself get outside when it’s taking time away from getting through my always-massive to-do list, but it helps me be more productive overall so it is totally worth it.
It also gives me some time alone with just my thoughts and a bit of peace and quiet which leads me on to…
I go a bit doolally if I’m with people (particularly my darling daughter!) constantly without getting a break. Particularly at the moment when she is sleeping badly again and I’m not really getting any adult time in the evening (not that kind), I get a bit tired, frustrated and grumpy which in turn makes me anxious and a bit low.
So it’s really important that I take a bit of time out for myself regularly, even if it’s half an hour alone upstairs on my phone. I do think it’s that ‘filling your cup’ thing; if I get a break sometimes I am a better mum and person and I feel better about myself too.
Sometimes the clothes I feel my best in are the comfy, no effort ones. Sometimes I feel great in just a pair of leggings, trainers and a long t-shirt and so that’s what I’ll wear and feel perfectly fine about myself! I don’t need to feel guilty about that and so I just need to keep wearing whatever makes me feel good, whether that’s a big, baggy, shapeless dress that looks like a tent but I feel really cool in, or a skintight minidress that barely covers my arse (which is unlikely) then that’s what I need to do.
I always feel so, so much better about myself when I have a bit of fake tan on. For me, I think I look so much better with a tan and so making a bit of effort to cover myself in brown liquid really improves my confidence. It’s not for anyone else, it’s for me, and it makes me feel prettier and so more confident.
A lot of confidence isn’t exactly about how we look, but taking some time for me to put a bit of fake tan on, do my hair and make-up and having nice nails really does just give me that bit of increased confidence that I really need.
In an ideal world, I’d be completely happy with my make-up free skin, and I am so much more used to seeing my bare-faced reflection since being at home so much during lockdown, but I do still feel much more confident with some make-up on. With make-up, I can enhance my good bits, hide the godawful bits (not that I have any), give myself a beautiful glow and it makes me feel much more put together and confident.
I am not someone who is huge on accessories – I feel stupid in hats and they make my head itch, I don’t feel the need to wear a necklace on a lower neckline, and I don’t like things matching or to feel too ‘done’.
But I do love to always wear my silver rings and earrings and I feel a bit lost without them. If I am wearing one of my plainer, comfy outfits, then I love to wear some cool shoes or a gorgeous bag to dress it up a bit and add a bit of colour.
I just got this gorgeous tan suede bag from Joe Brown’s autumn collection and I love it so much. It’s so beautiful but also adds interest to my lovely boring outfits and makes me feel just a little bit like Sienna Miller.
I love the power of an accessory to make you feel great and more confident. In winter I love a pair of boots with black leggings, and I just got some super cool leopard print boots from TK Maxx that I can’t wait to wear.
Do you have any tips for improving your confidence? Please share them in the comments if you do – I need all the help I can get!
I was sent some products from Joe Brown’s AW21 collection but all words and opinions are my own. See my full disclosure policy here.
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
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