How to Be a Supportive Friend

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For a lot of us, some of the best times of our life, and fondest memories, include our friends.  Some friends we’ll make as adults and others we’ll keep throughout our life.  

While it’s easy to be a good friend when times are good, what should we do when times are not so good? Many things can happen in our lives that we need our friends to help us through – relationships, family, bereavement.  Having a supportive friend can make all the difference at stressful times.  

Here are some ways to be a supportive friend in times of need. 

Learn To Recognise When They Need Immediate Help

Some situations require more than just a friendly ear.  If your friend is experiencing something that is affecting their health (or even life), you need to act.  It could be self-harm, depression, substance abuse, or a number of other destructive behaviours. Urge them to see a specialist, visit rehabilitation clinics or therapist. 

Listen

Sometimes the best thing you can do is be a sounding board.  Listen without interrupting, questioning or downplaying the situation.  

Don’t Judge

We’ve all made bad decisions in our lives.  Reminding your friend of theirs when they are at their lowest point is not a good idea.  Don’t tell them that you’ve always hated their husband/boyfriend or that they should never have done something in the first place.  First of all, the ‘told you so’ attitude is not attractive, secondly, they are probably not going to confide in you in the future, which is damaging to your friendship.  

People need a safe space to deal with their problems and good friends often provide that space. 

Don’t Try To Fix Everything

Often a criticism levelled at men.  When people confide in you, they aren’t necessarily looking for you to fix their problems.  Sometimes they just want to talk, express their feelings and use you as a sounding board.

While it’s natural to want to jump in feet first to come up with a plan to fix everything, make sure that is what your friend is looking for first. 

Sometimes people are looking for reassurance or a hug, not a plan. 

Do Suprise Them

It’s tempting to wait for your friend to feel better and approach you about going out or seeing a movie.  Don’t wait, suggest something yourself, or surprise them by turning up with a bottle of wine and a takeaway.  

Show them you are thinking about them too.  Send a text asking how they are, invite them places.  

Be Patient 

It’s difficult to know what to do in every situation.  Some people are comfortable talking about their situation and feelings, others are not.  Don’t take it personally, it’s not a reflection of you as a friend. Everyone deals with things in their own way. 

As long as you are being supportive and keeping the lines of communication open, then just be patient and let your friend move at their own pace.  This way, when they are finally ready, they know they can turn to you for support. 

This is a collaborative post.