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There is a large amount of content out there on how to be the best bride that you can be, how to be a ‘good’ bride, and avoid being a bridezilla. But there seems to be a distinct lack when it comes to bridesmaids. Even if you have been a bridesmaid at another wedding, then was there any kind of expectation set on you from the bride, about what you needed to be doing or what was expected from you? Did you know what areas you could help in?
If you are a bride yourself, then you will find that thinking about what you want your bridesmaids to be doing, and establishing bridesmaids’ responsibilities upfront, is a really effective way to make sure that you are able to stay on top of everything. You might have big questions around the actual bridesmaids dresses, such as how to choose your bridesmaid dresses, what happens at a fitting, and what kind of fabric should you choose? So whatever the questions that you have around bridesmaids, then hopefully, there will be some answers for you today.
The Modern Bridesmaid
There are some ancient traditions when it comes to bridesmaids, and there was an expression that you’ve probably heard of before, ‘always a bridesmaid, never a bride,’ that came from the bridesmaid’s interception of evil spirits trying to disrupt the ceremony, back in the day; what a responsibility! So while the modern bridal party don’t play a role like this anymore, they do still tend to blend in with the look and feel of the wedding, and that is usually through the dress colour, style, and theme. The bridal party does still have a role to play, though, in the whole wedding process (though luckily it doesn’t involve fending off any robbers). It is all about providing support and advice for the bride.
They get to be an honoured member of the wedding party for the whole day, and may even get a special spot on the top table for the wedding reception. A modern bridesmaid is also designated as an assistant for the bride, as the name bridesmaid suggests. You can obviously choose what you want them to be involved with, but it could be anything from helping you shop for a wedding dress to choosing wedding venues, writing invites, and hosting a bridal shower or planning a hen party (or both)! As a bridesmaid, they just need to be helpful, and they will be expecting that. So make sure that you are clear about what you want their help with and then they can get involved; they won’t know without being told.
With all of that in mind, knowing that you need a bridesmaid to be helpful and caring may help you to decide who you want involved at the wedding. Of course, some will be chosen by association, such as sisters or cousins. But for friends, if they are extra organised and helpful, then they would be a great asset to the bridal team.
Is Less, More?
The age-old question, of is less more, is something that does come up a lot when you talk about weddings and about bridesmaids; can you ever have too many? And the answer, as long as there is room for them at the chapel, alter, hall, or venue, then you can have however many you want. The first thing to think about when determining the number of bridesmaids and how many is right for you, is to think about the size of your wedding party, the size of the venue, and how many groomsmen there will be too. It doesn’t have to coordinate, but it is helpful if it can. It may seem difficult to choose just five bridesmaids from among something like twenty of your close friends and family, if you want to have a small and intimate wedding, then it must be something to think about. Plus, there are other roles that you can give to people who want to participate, such as helping plan and organise, plan something for the reception, help write the speeches, and so on.
A second thing to be thinking about is the formality of the wedding. If you are going for a more formal wedding, then they tend to have a half dozen or more bridesmaids in addition to a maid of honour. If you are choosing something less formal or even a pretty casual wedding, then you may only opt for one or two, if any. At the end of the day, the final decision does rest with you, as you are the bride, but consider the number and how simple things will be to manage. Plus, if there are any conflicts between the ladies that you have chosen, then that is something to think about as well, as you need them to all work together. You decide whether it is a case of the more the merrier, or if too many cooks spoil the broth.
Will you be my bridesmaid?
In all likelihood, your bridesmaids will be some of the first people that learn that you are even getting married, simply because they are going to be your closest friends and family. That may be when you decide to ask them to be your bridesmaid, especially if you already know, or have known for a long time, that you want them to be part of your special day. However, there are no rules around how you ask them and when you ask them; you can choose when to ask them or not, and how to do just that.
Have you thought about having some junior bridesmaids too, that tend to be generally between eight and fourteen years of age? However, in the majority of weddings, brides select friends and family members who are around their own age, and who they know, love, and support. Once you know who you want to choose, then you could send a card, do something quirky and fun, or just ask then outright; however you choose, you just need to get the response you are after. Good luck!
This is a collaborative post.
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
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