How Are You, Really? #2 Bloody Hospital Appointments and Other Shit

“Keep looking up… that’s the secret of life.” Snoopy

I wrote my first ‘How are you, really?’ post a little while ago, and I wanted to write another because I want to keep talking about how I am, and how you are too. We need to keep talking about mental health.

I need to keep talking about how I am right now, because if I don’t I feel like I might burst.

It might be the two (four) glasses of Prosecco that I have already drunk, or it might be tiredness mixed with the Prosecco plus too much going on in my life. I don’t know. But I need to write it down. So you, dear reader, are my audience for my feelings. I hope that’s okay?

So, how am I, really?

I am not so great right now, I’m afraid. I posted a health update just over a week ago and I was about to have an MRI scan – I’ve now had that and they have seen some nodules that they don’t like the look of and so on Friday I am having a CT scan to see them more clearly. I presume they think they could be cancer, but I don’t entirely know, because I’ve only spoken briefly to my lovely nurse on the phone. She’s been there for the whole twelve years this has been going on and I love that.

I had to have a Cannula inserted for the MRI so that they could inject me with dye, and since then my vein has been quite painful on and off and a bit swollen, and so today, finally, 6 days later I made myself go to the doctors after it felt worse.

He checked my arms all over, my temperature and pulse and some other stuff and thinks it could be a number of things; it could be an infection, it could be a superficial clot which isn’t a big deal and I’ve got some Ibuprofen gel to put on it which should help get rid of it if it is this. It could just be trauma from the cannula, or there is a possibility it could be DVT (Deep Vein Thrombosis) which can be very dangerous. He has no reason to believe it is DVT as my arm above my elbow isn’t painful or red.

I now have to go to hospital tomorrow so that I can get another bloody (pun intended) blood test to check (I think) for DVT or an infection as quickly as possible. I told him I have another (bloody) appointment on Friday so could I get the blood test then, and he said no, that’s too long. If my arm becomes painful or red at any time then I have to go straight to hospital.

Not gonna lie, it’s not what I need right now and I’m scared I have a blood clot and I’m gonna die (soz for being a drama queen). I also now have a fourth hospital appointment next week as well now to see a fertility consultant to work all this shit out alongside my oncology consultant.

Are you as bored of all this as I am right now?

I’d (kind of) accepted (but not really) having to have my ovary removed and going through the fucking menopause and had decided to try and ignore all of that and just focus on my next appointments, but now I have more to worry about and deal with and I just can’t be arsed.

I’m knackered and drained and I’m sick already of hospital and paying a shit ton for parking and taking ages to even find a space, and not being able to work as much as I need to and I’m worried about money and not getting as much done as possible before Ava is off for the six weeks holidays.

If this post doesn’t entirely make sense or has a shitload of spelling mistakes, I’m sorry, I’m tipsy. I blame my friends who told me it was fine to start drinking at 5.30pm.

Thank you all so, so much for all of your support so far – you have no idea how much I appreciate it, and even after stupid, rambly (drunken) blog posts like this I know you’ll still be there (please be there!).

Lou xxx