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It’s always tough when a relationship doesn’t work out and, when there are children involved, this can present a whole new set of challenges. In this article, we’ll be sharing eight tips for successful co-parenting.
For some couples, the breakdown of a relationship simply means going their separate ways but when there are children involved, it’s rarely that easy. There are many things you can do to keep your kids calm during and after the divorce process, such as keeping familiarity and routine. As well as, working with family lawyers to sort out important arrangements such as custody and childcare.
To help you out during this difficult time, below we’ll be discussing eight successful co-parenting tips…
Good organisation is your biggest ally when it comes to co-parenting. Not only does this help things to run smoothly but it also helps children to become used to ‘the new normal’ more quickly. Work together to come up with a schedule which works for everybody.
While making a schedule and sticking to it is important, it’s equally vital to remember that things don’t always go to plan. Whatever your feelings for your ex-partner, be prepared to be flexible with the schedule should something unexpected happen. In some cases, your ex may request a change due to the fact that they want to attend a social event or family occasion. While this may be irritating, do keep in mind that it works both ways!
If the split was acrimonious, it’s natural that you may want to keep your children on your side by complaining about your ex’s shortcomings – don’t. Trying to turn your children against your ex will achieve nothing other than confusing and distressing the kids who should be encouraged to have equal loyalty to both parents.
Depending on the circumstances of the separation, you may find it difficult to communicate with your ex however, prolonging a grudge is harmful both to you and your children. Difficult it may seem, to begin with, commit yourself to maintain a civil and friendly atmosphere while in the company of your ex – which hopefully won’t be too often or too prolonged.
Money is often a contentious issue, and with the current cost of living crisis, this can quickly escalate into arguments. Where possible, it’s a good idea to sit down and have a calm and open conversation about who pays for what when it comes to the kids. Sorting the finances out early can really help to prevent issues further down the line if one party feels that they are paying more than their fair share for things.
After a breakup, there’s every chance that you don’t want to hear about your ex’s new job, house, or worse, a new partner. While this is completely understandable, these things are part of your child’s life. As unnatural as it may feel, try to take an interest when your child tells you about their latest visit to the ex – without digging for details that your child may not know or understand. Although you may do this through gritted teeth, it will help your children to understand that they can talk to you about anything, rather than feeling that some subjects are taboo as they make you upset or angry.
For many couples, holidays can be a major sticking point with neither party willing to forgo time spent with their kids during school breaks. This can be a tricky one to navigate – particularly if new partners are involved. Unfortunately, this one is very much a case of give and take and it’s important to set boundaries and schedules as soon as possible to prevent a never-ending cycle of arguments. It may be that you will have to accept that you will only have the children for half of the holidays – as will your ex-partner.
It’s an uncomfortable fact that, at some point, you and your ex will move on and meet somebody new. When your ex finds a new partner, it can be incredibly difficult and can spark a number of emotions including jealousy, anger and insecurity. It can also be easy to place all of the blame squarely on the shoulders of the new partner. While this is only natural, it’s not helpful to anybody, particularly your children. Instead, do your best to get to know the new partner in order to form some kind of working relationship. At the end of the day, this person will be spending a significant amount of time with your children and so, the more you know about them the better.
Co-parenting is rarely an easy proposition, and it will usually take a little time to iron out the details and get into a routine which works for everybody involved. While there still may be the occasional bump in the road, doing your best to stay civil and flexible can really help to make the transition easier – particularly for the children.
Please be advised that this article is for general informational purposes only, and should not be used as a substitute for advice from a trained legal professional. Be sure to consult a family lawyer/solicitor if you’re seeking advice on divorce. We are not liable for risks or issues associated with using or acting upon the information on this site.
This is a collaborative post.
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
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