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As parents, we, of course, always want to keep our children as safe as possible and if we could wrap them up in cotton wool until they are fully grown (and maybe after that too!) I’m sure some of us would.
As my daughter gets older there are different things I have to think about – I’m sure in the next few years she will want to start going out with her friends on her own, and this school year she is allowed to walk home alone if we give permission for that.
We don’t live that close to the school so she won’t be walking home yet, but my sister lives near A’s school so I have said that sometimes I can wait at my sister’s and Ava can walk down to me there. She is excited about doing this – I think because it makes her feel grown-up and kids always love being given more independence, don’t they?
It’s so hard to start to let go though. The route she will walk is down some alleyways (actually the way I used to walk home when I was at the same school as her!) and loads of families also walk home that way, and it only really takes a few minutes so I know she will be fine, but still. The thought of anything happening to her is terrifying, but I know that we have to let them grow up bit by bit and allow them some independence. I just can’t believe we are at this stage already!
It’s terrifying, particularly as a mother of a daughter, that 1 in 5 women in the UK will suffer sexual assault in their lifetime. I want to protect my daughter as much as I possibly can, as well as help her to protect herself as much as possible as she gets older and goes out into the big wide world on her own.
I want her to be as safe as possible so here are some things I am teaching her or doing for her so that she is responsible and safe as she gets older and becomes more independent.
Since Ava was little we have taught her all about road safety and looking both ways and I know it’s something she tends to be really good at and sensible with. However, I know full well that when kids are with their friends and distracted or wanting to seem ‘cool’ that they will often take more risks when crossing roads or just don’t concentrate fully.
I’m making sure that I’m talking to Ava again about staying safe when crossing roads; always stopping and looking both ways, whether her friends do or not, and that that’s more important than worrying what your friends might think of you.
I’m also pointing out to her to always cross the main road with the Lollipop man and away from school always use Pelican or Zebra crossings if there is one (or a Puffin crossing which I’ve learnt today is the safest type as the lights only change to green for cars once everyone has safely crossed!).
I remember my mum handing me a personal alarm (although we used to call it something different!) when I was a girl and I remember feeling like it gave me a bit of reassurance if I was going out on my own.
Back then they were a bit different to the one’s today – from what I remember mine was about the size of a phone and a bit brick-like and I remember always being worried that I would pull out the connector bit by accident and embarrass myself (not that it would matter, but you know kids – I did not want to draw any extra attention to myself unless I had to!).
Today, personal alarms are much smaller and sleeker and much more subtle. I’m going to be making sure Ava is carrying the Ashley with her when she starts to go out on her own. It’s a brilliant device that has a 130dB alarm (which is as loud as a jet engine!!) and a flashing strobe to help deter potential attackers. I think that’s a great addition to a personal alarm.
It comes in 4 great colours and looks really stylish – I know it shouldn’t matter what it looks like, but actually, I think kids are much more likely to attach it to their bag or coat if it looks nice. We have the pretty aqua colour, and it just looks like a small torch or something. To activate it you just pull out the top ring part, so it’s easy to use but also not easy to activate by mistake.
It’s also super lightweight so you could even have it attached to your clothing or water bottle whilst out running without being aware of it unless you need it, and it won’t add any extra weight to your keys either.
The Ashley Personal Safety Alarm will run continuously for over an hour when activated and the battery will last for two years on standby and can then be replaced. The company also donate 5% of net profits to Operation Underground Railroad and other charitable causes to support women and children.
It’s a great product, both for children and adults and provides me with a bit of reassurance when Ava starts going out on her own or walking home from school.
Once she does start to walk home herself or go out by herself or with friends then I will encourage her to always stick to the busier main roads and areas and always avoid alleyways or quiet streets where possible. I want her to stay where there are lots of people as much as possible so she can always be seen.
Where we lived when I was young there were lots of alleyways and quiet footpaths and so to get to the school bus I would have to walk up them by myself every morning pretty early on. Even though it was secondary school time I was still pretty young and I remember being so scared especially on those horrible dark winter mornings!
My mum would watch me up as much as she could but she also had to get my younger sister ready for school so I just had to get on with it but I hated it so much and would panic every time another person appeared.
Times have changed now and I think we all try to be much safer so there’s no way I would let my daughter go alone in dark, deserted areas now and nor would my mum but it’s still scary to think what could have potentially happened to me.
I want her to know that if she ever thinks someone is following her, then she should cross the road or go to a place where there are lots of people around, like a bus stop or a busy shop or go to a mother with a child, who will hopefully be willing to help her.
On public transport, I’ll encourage her to sit near other people (ideally downstairs on buses), particularly families.
She does not have a mobile yet (however many times she asks for one!), but I have always said that when she starts secondary school and will be going to and from school by herself then she will have one then so she is contactable and she can contact me.
However, I will make sure that she knows that whilst she is out and about she should only use it if she needs to contact someone and not for anything else. She needs to know that it’s important to be aware and alert at all times and she can’t be fully aware of her surroundings if she has her head in her phone.
Ava knows that most people are OK but that there are some bad people out there. At the moment she is very sensitive to the bad in the world and the thought that someone could try to hurt us, so I have to be very careful how I talk to her about it because she worries so much and gets quite anxious.
But I do want her to know that someone could want to hurt her and that she should always trust her instincts and if she doesn’t feel safe anywhere then she should remove herself from the situation if she can. It is much more important that she is safe rather than trying to maintain politeness or save some embarrassment.
I definitely remember being in situations that made me uncomfortable but I didn’t want to cause problems or look silly so I just put up with it – and I would absolutely hate for my daughter to do the same. I want her to know that it is good to question things or even other people and totally fine to walk or run away or shout loudly if someone’s behaviour doesn’t seem right to her.
I want her to trust her instincts and be confident in doing so, and so I want to make sure that she knows what is inappropriate and what isn’t and that it doesn’t matter at all if she causes a scene when someone didn’t actually pose any threat.
We’ve always chatted to her about anything and everything and encouraged her to be open with us and to come to us if she wants to talk about anything.
I think it’s even more important as she gets older and doesn’t always have us (or any adult) with her that she knows she can always, always come to us with anything and we will support her. I can’t bear the thought of her going through something and not being able to talk to me, and whilst I’m sure she won’t be as willing to open up to me as she gets older, I hope that the way we have brought her up means that she will talk to us if she wants to and that will help keep her safer.
I need to teach her my phone number now so that she could tell it to someone if she needed it at any time. For now, she will only be walking less than ten minutes to my sister’s and I will be waiting for her and will start to walk up if she doesn’t appear, but I still think it’s important for her to know my number off by heart.
It’s terrifying that we need to think about these things as a parent, whether we have boys or girls and I wish I could always protect my daughter as she grows up. Unfortunately, as a mother to a daughter, we have to be aware that something bad is statistically more likely to happen to them, but hopefully doing all of these things can help keep our kids as safe as possible.
This is a paid partnership with Ashley.
Welcome to Birds and Lilies! I'm Lou: mother, blogger and freelance writer. This is my lifestyle blog, where I talk about motherhood, infertility and IVF, beauty, my love for food and wine, as well as my thoughts about stuff, and our real-life and travel adventures.
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