This Week: Coronavirus, Self-Isolation and the Weirdness of All This

Hello fellow humans ❤

Well, isn’t this a weird time to be alive? We’re currently self-isolating for 14 days because Ava and I had a cold and sore throat which developed into a cough and bit of a temperature, so we’re following the rules of the government and our school and staying in.

It’s so weird not being able to go out, and suddenly having to homeschool when I’ve got no experience of it, and trying to keep working at the same time and we’re going a bit stir crazy already and we’re only on day two after the weekend. But obviously protecting the elderly and vulnerable is the most important thing and it’s not the worst thing in the world to have to stay indoors by ourselves.

As I’m sure so many of us are at the moment, I’m really struggling with anxiety. I struggle without a routine, and we literally don’t have one at all right now. The pressure of schooling Ava at home makes me quite panicky and I keep getting really overwhelmed. I know it’s not even particularly that hard – we have lots of stuff she can do, plus her wonderful school have sent home packs of work for them to do and I know there’s lots online too. Plus she loves to read and write and is (most of the time) happy to do some work. I also want to do some baking with her and teach her how to cook some simple things, and I have lots of other ideas of things we can do together whilst at home.

I think it’s just the whole thing though. Having to try and keep working as much as possible, so that I can still make some money during this time, trying not to feel guilty when she is watching TV, dealing with the internet being so slow now that so many of us are working from home, plus not knowing exactly what is to come, and worrying about the wonderful older people that I know and love. I just can’t concentrate on any one thing.

There’s so much stuff we take for granted in everyday life and this is a stark reminder of how much we usually have and how lucky we are. And we still are lucky – we have the NHS, and we have clean water and most of us have the ability to stay home, watch Netflix, share our worries with those on social media and potentially keep working and making some money. So many others in the world don’t have any of that and I cannot imagine what it must be like for poor countries going through all this.

I feel like I need to keep saying that I know how lucky we are. But unfortunately, that doesn’t stop the worry and anxiety I (and I know lots of others are the same) am feeling. I’m worried about others; I can’t stop thinking of the small businesses and others that won’t be able to sustain through this, I’m worried about the vulnerable people, and those stuck at home alone, or worse: stuck at home with someone who hurts them. I’m finding it really hard to not be able to do anything to help. Before we self-isolated I was about to put a note through a couple of my neighbours’ doors to offer to get them any shopping or anything if they need it, and I hate that I can’t be any help to them now. They’re not even very nice people but I still wanted to help the sods.

Over the last couple of days it feels like everything has changed, and it all feels so strange and unknown. The thought of us all having to be in quarantine, and kids’ being off school for potentially months is bizarre and I don’t even understand how that would work with shops and food and healthcare and the rest.

It’s also amazing seeing people really come together through this and all of the people wanting to help.

I know this is a pretty rambly post, but I just wanted (and needed) to write a bit about all of this and how I’m feeling. One minute I think I’m overreacting and being a drama queen, and the next I’m thinking about how many people’s lives this is going to drastically change in so many different ways.

My mental health isn’t doing great, and I know that’s the same for a lot of others. My head feels like it’s full of cotton wool, but also so full of heavy stuff that it’s about to pop. I’m tired and I’m scared and I miss my niece. I want to get some fresh air and take Ava to the park. I want my mum and step-dad to still be able to get married at the beginning of April and to celebrate with them. And most of all, I want to not run out of wine or gin, because that would just be the worst.

The unknown is bloody scary. But we’ll just have to sit tight, protect the vulnerable, and keep talking to each other. I’m sure I’ll be writing more about this ⁠— I’d like to write about what we’ve been doing with Ava, from someone who has never homeschooled before and is a bit crap at it.

I’m going to try and get into more of a routine with our days ⁠— I saw this idea for a schedule online, and just looking at it makes me feel a bit better, but I am feeling very overwhelmed with it all. I’m not even sure why, as it’s not that I’m worried about her falling behind or anything like that. I think it’s partly guilt at not being good enough, not being organised enough or having the energy to stop it being necessary for her to watch a bit more tv than normal, as well as not knowing how long we will be doing this for. My head needs to know when things are happening, and Covid-19 is making that impossible for all of us.

Anyway, that’s enough of me rambling on for today. There is a good chance I might go completely crazy over the next few weeks so I should probably keep talking to you all. Take care everyone, and please feel free to chat about how you’re feeling in the comments of this post, or message me on Twitter, wash your hands and try and leave some loo roll for everyone else ❤

Love, Lou xxx